41 Weeks

Here I am, still holding on. 41 weeks pregnant and a mess of emotions.

I usually don’t write directly from the heart but I need to. For me, for you, maybe for someone you know. I just need to write before this babe arrives. Lucky you, you get my jumbled pregnancy thoughts. I’ll probably edit this again once my brain is functioning so come back….

It’s December 18 which means that Christmas is in seven day. How exciting!! Usually I am so ready for Christmas but this year has been an anomaly. My mind has been scattered. Between two birthdays and a baby on the way I have been a little preoccupied.

Being pregnant this close to Christmas has given me a unique opportunity to think about the Nativity story, especially from Mary’s perspective.

This pregnancy, our fourth, was earlier than I planned. I was caught off guard and shown the plans that Heavenly Father had for us instead of our plans. He is much wiser than we are. I cannot even fathom being Mary and having an Angel tell me that I was to be a mother. Not just a mother, a mother to Jesus, our Lord and Savior. How on earth did she wrap her mind around that? How did she prepare herself to raise a child of God? So many questions came into my mind about her and her pregnancy journey.

The more I thought about Mary the more I thought about my divine role, my role as a mother. My kids are not Savior’s but they still are children of our Heavenly Father. I have responsibilities to raise my kids into the people that Heavenly Father needs them to be. Where do I start? How do I know what or who my kids will become? I am not expecting an angel to appear and give me exact instructions on what I need to focus on with each of my kids. That doesn’t mean that I won’t receive guidance though.

I know that my Heavenly Father loves and cares for me. He wants me to succeed at Motherhood and he will answer my prayers. Not always in the timeline that I would like but as I mentioned earlier he has a plan and is much better at knowing when the best time for something is. I counsel with my husband and together we decide what our kids need help with and how to proceed. I have amazing support between family, friends and church leaders, all of which I can ask for assistance. I can receive blessings to help me when I am struggling with just about anything. Heavenly Father will talk to me through the priesthood power. Blessings can even help my kids individually. I have learned much about what my kids need when I have listened to the blessings that they have received. There are many uplifting resources that also provide guidance. Search your scriptures and messages from your church leaders. Frequently I have found comfort and direction through General Conference talks, one of which inspired this post. Kinda…..

My body does not handle pregnancy well. I am constantly exhausted, my muscles ache, my hips don’t work well and I can’t sleep well. It is rough and I have found myself complaining frequently. Sometimes riding in a car hurts. How would I feel riding a donkey on a long journey? Yeah, I cannot imagine.

One of my favorite talks is Behold Thy Mother given by Jeffery R Holland. Holland compares Motherhood to Christ and his atonement. His message is incredibly powerful, humbling and comforting at the same time. “no love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child.

I struggled today. It’s my last day of a Mom of three and for some reason that was really really hard on me. I was crazy emotional about being a Mom of four. I know I will still have my three but I finally figured out how to balance them and now I am going to throw another baby into the mix. My brain just can’t comprehend it. I know everything will be fine but I’m not sure how it will work out. All I can do is have faith and do the best that I can.

If you struggled today, yesterday or whenever I hope this last quote from Elder Holland provides you with peace in your role as a mother.

“To all of our mothers everywhere, past, present, or future, I say, “Thank you. Thank you for giving birth, for shaping souls, for forming character, and for demonstrating the pure love of Christ.” To Mother Eve, to Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel, to Mary of Nazareth, and to a Mother in Heaven, I say, “Thank you for your crucial role in fulfilling the purposes of eternity.” To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle (and all will), I say, “Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love ‘never faileth.'” I can pay no higher tribute to anyone.

You are doing better than you think you are. Breathe, relax and refocus on what is truly important.

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