I want to try something new. I want to let you into my life, my mind, my struggles, my successes and how homeschooling is effecting me personally. I’ve decided to do a monthly review of the lessons that I have learned.
April was an interesting month for me but lets back up first. March was crappy. The winter needed to end and I was desperate for the sun. I was finding myself overwhelmed for no real reason and I couldn’t get my feet on solid ground. We still did our lessons but I didn’t add joy into them, we just did what needed to be done. The house was a disaster and I didn’t know where to start. I needed everything to change but I found myself paralyzed. My husband is amazing and helps me keep afloat but he was working overtime and I appreciated every but of it but I knew he had too much on his plate.
1. Asking for help
In April I was in a space where I could verbalize my struggles more with my husband and I asked him to help me find some motivation and help me with somethings that I was feeling extra overwhelmed with. He didn’t find motivation for me but he said, “Come with me, lets do this together.” I could have said no but I love doing things with my hunny so I found myself doing yard work with him or rearranging the living room. They were simple things but they made a difference.
2. Trying new things brought a sense of accomplishment
I have never really enjoyed cooking or baking. Its just so routine and often its a must do instead of a fun thing. Recently I have learned how to make Sour Dough Bread. It was a struggle for my first few loaves and my bread still doesn’t rise perfectly but Ive loved the process. Making bread is something that I can do and then its done. Something that actually has a result. A quantifiable ending. Seems silly but learning some new skills has helped my confidence and allowed me to feel a sense of accomplishment. The kitchen wasn’t clean but I had something to show for my efforts.
3. Finding a friend that I can be completely honest with
I try and always be sincere when I’m interacting with people but sincere and completely honest are different. Its not hard for me to say that today my kids were driving me batty. Its hard to say that today I lost it on my kids. Its hard to admit my imperfections but doing so I have found amazing friends that support me when I am in the dumps. If I wouldn’t have gotten over myself and let my weaknesses show then we wouldn’t be where we are today. Friendship has power and has influenced my life but I know that since being completely honest I have also become a valued, even a needed, friend. Which I wouldn’t trade for the world but it wasn’t easy to get to this point.
4. Getting over the past
This is a tough one. We have been living in my home town for about two years now and it hasn’t always been easy. As I am becoming more involved in our community I have reacquainted myself with people I went to school with. I did not have a great time in school. I always felt isolated and was frequently tossed around by friends. It sucked. I try and forget about alot of those years and relationships but I can’t always pretend they didn’t happen. When I encounter some people I’m not sure how to act. Most of them aren’t stranger, we went to school together for close to 10 years but I struggle to know if I should even say hi or if I will just be mocked. Ugh. Its a terrible feeling. This last month I decided that instead of pretending not to know them or just remembering who they were and having some walls up that it was time for a change. I talk to people that I knew, ask about them and their family, I try and reconnect. Yes, some of them are still jerks but alot of them have changed for the better. We won’t be best friends next week but as least I have allowed myself to let go of past hurt.
5. Growing closer to Christ during Easter
Easter is one of my favorite holidays. Usually because of the family fun that we have. This year I was able to study the New Testament (as part of the Come Follow Me program) and connect to Christ on a whole new level. Maybe it was because March was a dark month for me but April was a light. I already shared about my hubby and friends helping me out but Christ really made the difference. I am so blessed to know my Brother (Christ) and know how to lean on him when I am trying to carry too much.
April was quite a month as you can tell. I hope that May brings some lighter notes but only time will tell. Thanks for reading and supporting me. You may only hear from me once a month for a while longer but my daily life comes first.